Reality Bites Letting Go
by Lesleyp
Summary: This is the first story I ever wrote and was originally archived on GW in Dec 2005. I am pleased to say that is was nominated this year for the Stargate Fanfiction Awards. Warning: Mild mature content last chapter.Hope you enjoy. Feedback please
1. Chapter 1

Reality Bites - Letting go  
by Lesleyp

**Rating:** Teens  
**Category:** MissingScene, Romance, Angst, Hurt/Comfort   
**Season:** SG-1 Season Eight  
**Featured Character(s):** Jack ONeill, Daniel Jackson, Samantha Carter, Tealc  
**Pairing(s):** Sam/Jack  
**Summary:** SG1 is going their separate ways. Jack and Sam need to move on, or do they?

**Author Notes:** This was the first story I wrote. It was archived to G.W. in Dec 2005, and it has been nominated for Stargate fanfic award this year. There are four chapters.

The Party in the Commissary was nearing a close. It was almost 2300 hours. Time for people to head home...at least those that were not scheduled to work tonight. It was a big turnout. No teams were off world so all were present. Lab staff, techies, med teams. Everyone who could go was there. The party had spilled out into the nearby corridors.

Things were changing. No one was really very happy about the changes, but the tone was festive just the same. They were all there to say goodbye to the lead SG team, now disbanding and going on their separate ways. Teal'c had left just under an hour ago. Daniel and Sam were still there mingling and saying goodbye to what had been their family, so it seemed, for the past 8 years. A happy and sad occasion. An era was passing.

Alone in his office sat O'Neill. All his stuff, what little there had been of personal items, packed neatly into one cardboard box. Washington, oh boy, he thought, as he let out a heavy sigh. His hands on his desk, fingers meshed, staring at his box.

In front of him the letter he had found in Carter's lab. The envelope had been on top of one of her packed boxes. His name written neatly in her handwriting.

Gen. J. O'Neill

He had found it earlier, before the start of the party. He had gone looking for her and found the lab empty, but her boxes were packed. And there it was. On top of one of her neatly packed boxes. So he had taken it and returned to his office. That was at 15:26 hours.

A couple of hours later she had come to his office with Daniel and Teal'c to drag him to the party.

"I'll be there later", he had said. "Have some... stuff... to finish off".

"But sir... this is it...come on" she had cajoled.

"Ya, Jack. You're finally rid of me", Daniel joked... "At least you could ...you know...look Generalish ... and hey, how about one of your nice Daniel Eulogies again. You know I love it when..."

"Out" he had ordered in his sternest voice. "No... seriously, I'll be there in a few... Really...", as the three of them all gave him their best doubtful looks. He didn't look her in the eyes though. He couldn't.

"Ok, well ... we'll see you there?" asked Sam.

"Sure.. ya...whatever... Soon" He answered... "now go ...GO" as he shooed them away.

Daniel and Sam had headed off. Daniel going on excitedly about his upcoming Atlantis mission. Jack was going to miss him. Teal'c had stayed behind.

"Is something bothering you O'Neill?"

Jack looked long and hard at his old friend. His brother.

"Is it Washington O'Neill? Do you not wish to go?"

"No... I don't. But it's where I gotta be... at least for now."

"Is that what is troubling you." There was no question in Teal'c's voice.

"No".

"Is there something I can assist with then?"

Jack motioned Teal'c to come into the office then handed him the letter. Teal'c read it.

"There is a problem O'Neill?"

"Well... Hell...Yaaaaaaa" O'Neill drawled out with a pained expression.

"Tell me this is not news to you" Teal'c stated, tilting his head.

"Well yes... Ok...no, not really"

Teal'c raised his eyebrow, expecting further clarification. "You must have known you would have to deal with your feelings for each other at some time" he finally said.

"No I didn't, well, maybe I did at some time. I just ...well sometime has come up too...I'm not ready for this now".

"I see... not". Teal'c said with just a hint of a smirk.

Jack had returned his stare back to his desk.

"Well what do you intend to do now?" Teal'c asked.

"Nothing."

Again Teal'c tiled his head, a look of concern spread across his face. "Nothing, O'Neill?"

"What can I do?" asked Jack, looking at his friend, almost hoping Teal'c had the answer.

Teal'c looked thoughtful for a moment and began to speak. "You are my friend and my brother. I have not offered my counsel before in this area. But I give it now. We have seen much, faced death many times. We all, you, Daniel Jackson, Samantha Carter, and myself have a bond that will not break by the distance we must now put between us. We have freed my people and saved your world, and many other world's from certain doom. You owe them nothing O'Neill. And we each, owe each other...everything. Be true to yourself. That is my say. And I will speak no more of it unless you request me to do so."

"Ah... no... thanks T.. that was great. Actually that's probably the most you've ever said at one time." Jack quipped, finally breaking a smile.

"Indeed". Teal'c nodded his head. "Are you then coming to the farewell party?"

"Ah ya... give me a few..."

And with that, Teal'c gave a small bow and headed off, presumably to the commissary to meet up with the rest of the gang.

2200 hours found Jack still sitting at his desk, reading and re reading the letter.

Teal'c reappeared. "It is time for me to take my leave O'Neill"

Jack nodded and stood. Together they walked to the gate room. Not a word passed between them. As the gate engaged, they grabbed forearms, exchanging looks. Brothers.

"Be well" was all Teal'c said.

"Ditto" Jack said seriously.

Teal'c had walked into the event horizon of the gate without a backward glance, and Jack slowly walked back to his office where he was still sitting an hour later.

And there it was. The letter. He picked it up again and re read it for the 100th time. God he hated reading stuff.

Dear Jack

This letter is so against regulations. I'm not even going to give it to you. So why then am I even bothering to write it? I could actually be working on something useful right now. Like packing. That would be productive. I guess I just have all these thoughts and feelings running rampant in my head. Writing them down pretending I might share this with you someday somehow makes me feel better. A catharsis.

Dammit Sir, I am going to miss you. I know you already know how I feel about you. How couldn't you... after I interrupted your backyard BBQ with Kerry Johnson. I am so sorry for that sir, really... ok, maybe not so sorry.

I love you Jack. I'm in love with you Jack. But you know that. I know you don't feel the same and really, I'm ok with that. I'm just so used to seeing you everyday. Having that comfort, that security. Every time I need you, I just had to turn around, and there you were. The masculine smell of you. The warmth of your body close to mine. You'll never know how close I came time after time to crossing "the line". Just being around you made me feel complete. Intimacy would have been nice. Ok, great. But I'm getting off track, and every time I think along that track I'm useless for hours. And the party is in a couple of hours. That's when I have to pretend to feel nothing as I say good bye to you. Soon we'll be hundreds of miles apart, and I don't know how I'm going to get through it. Sorry sir, don't mean to cry.

I really can't ever give you this letter. Just picturing the look on your face though is making me laugh. The confusion, the oh sh$, what do I do now look. I love that look. Probably because whenever I saw that look you turned to me for some kind of input. We've been through so much together, helped each other time and time again.

I know you would say there's someone else out there for me, that could give me the life I want.. But I can't imagine ever being with anyone now that I know how I feel about you. I almost made that mistake with Pete. Doh!...as you would say. I'm glad I came to my senses. I wanted you. I've always wanted you, even if that meant stolen moments, no guarantees. I would have at least had you.

It's ok. I can be alone. I'll pour myself into my work. R and D Area 51 is right up my alley. I'll find lots to keep me busy. My life will go on without you. It'll just be empty. I will miss you so much.

You are the bravest, kindest, strongest, handsomest man I have ever known. Serving under you was a dream come true. I cannot forget you. I cannot replace you. There will be no one but you. I will miss you. I will always love you. Good bye General. Love S.C.

He folded the letter again. He'd done it so often over the course of a few hours it was beginning to tatter.

The problem. He did feel the same. Dammit.

He had thought of Sam throughout the years as, well, chauvinistic as it seemed, his. He had imagined scenarios of them stealing off to places. Nothing exotic. His house, her place, the cabin. Pizza, beer, snuggles on the couch. Watching TV. Being together. Heaven.

In all his imaginings he always stopped short of fantasizing anything more intimate. Not because he didn't want anything more. But because he did. He knew if he crossed that line, even in his own mind, there would be no turning back for him. Part of him always thought it would happen someday. But things have changed. He couldn't retire. Not now. When he tried he was denied, directly by the President, and assigned to command Homeworld security, with SGC still under his umbrella. Bigger umbrella now though. And the world still needed the brain power of Lt. Colonel Samantha Carter to save the day. Plus she still hadn't parted the red sea yet. He couldn't take her away. Not now. So she was still to be technically under his command.

How could he make this work? He wanted her. More than he ever imagined he could want another human being. She was smart. She was so... damned... hot. And funny. And sweet. And Military. She understood him. She understood his life. She was the perfect woman... for him. Ok, soul mate as corny as that sounded.

Jack was still trying to figure out a game plan when there was a knock at the door.

"Sir.. party's over" Sam said as she stood at his office door. "Everyone missed you." She looked at his face carefully. He was avoiding eye contact. Something was wrong. "Sir, are you ok?" she asked.

"Daniel?" asked Jack.

"Had too much punch", Sam laughed, "he's gone to sleep it off. The Daedulous doesn't leave for another week anyways. He'll see you tomorrow. I'll be leaving in a couple of hours though." she said, still standing in the door way. "Just have to finish putting my boxes in the car. I want to set up house before reporting in on Monday."

"Ya," started Jack, "about your boxes..."

She looked at him curiously

Jack motioned for her to come in, then as she entered he swung his hand toward the door.

"Door closing, sir?"

"Yup...Sit Carter." She did after closing his door.

For the first time he looked her in the eyes and his heart filled with longing and love...and the deepest sadness he had ever known, well at least the second deepest sadness he had ever known.

"I was in your lab earlier today looking for you. Wanted to know what you were gonna wear to the party so we wouldn't ...you know... wear the same thing..." he joked. She laughed. The most beautiful laugh.

Perfect woman. She even laughed at his stupid jokes.

He continued. "Well anyways, you weren't there...as you know...cause if you were then you'd have been there... ah...never mind." He was beginning to feel very awkward. "Let me start over...Sam, I suck at this sort of thing."

Sam looked at him quizzically, but amused. What was he doing?

He slid her letter over to her. At first she didn't comprehend until she opened and saw that it was her letter to him, or rather the letter she wasn't going to give to him. She thought she had packed it.

"Oh my god..." her face turning a deep red. "Oh my go..."

"Ya, you said that already"

"Sir, I am so...so sorry... I never meant.. oh my god"

"Shhhh" he said, and held up his hand. "It's ok. I won't tell on you. Relax." he said with a forced grin feeling anything but relaxed.

He stood and came around the desk and took the chair beside her. Her gaze shifted to the letter she held clasped in her hands. He noticed her hands were trembling, but soldier that she was she remained composed. How he loved this woman. Strong, smart, hot, funny. He loved everything about her from the smell of her hair, to, yes, he hated to admit it, he even loved listening to her techno babble. It didn't matter to him what she said, just the sound of her voice.

He turned her chair so she was facing him and gently took her hands in his. He thought of all that could be, and the consequences they could...no ...she could face. He didn't care what they did to him. He cared about her. He would gain everything just by telling her how he felt, and she would gain... nothing. He never wanted to hurt her. Either way, she would be hurt. There was no avoiding this any longer.

"Sam..." he started.

"Yes sir?" she was finally able to bring herself to look at him.

"Jack..." he offered gently.

"Yes, Jack?"

He glanced away briefly then brought his gaze back to her beautiful blue doe eyes.

"I told ya, I really suck at this..." he started again.

"It's ok sir... Jack. ... I guess I started this. Really... I never meant for you to see..."

"Sssshhhh", he said, cutting her off.

He took in a deep breath and let out a slow sigh. "Let me finish Sam or I won't get through this."

"Yes si...Jack."

"Where was I?"

"You suck at this".

"Oh ya. Well I do. You're right. We've been through a lot together. Seen things. Been there for each other. It's been hell out there..." he waived toward the direction of the gate room. "But we had each other to get us through."

"People..." he continued, "Soldiers...like you and me...develop...bonds... when ...well, when we go through tough times ...trauma... Sometimes we mistake that bond to mean something more... Romanticize it..." he stopped for a second, "not with other guys..." he began to back wheel after realizing where this was going. "You're not a guy...you're you know... you... A very pretty you... and well..." he stopped.

Dammit, he thought to himself, this was getting very...very...awkward.

"You're telling me my feelings aren't real ...that I romanticize you because of all we've been thru...don't worry sir, I do get it." She stated in a subdued tone.

"Ya, something like that" Jack said still feeling uncomfortable.

"Sir you don't need to..."she began.

"Jack" he said, "And yes, I do. Sam, I care about you. A lot. More than I should. But I don't love you. Not the same way you..." he gestured toward the letter. "I'm sorry."

Neither said anything for a moment, both looking at the letter. Then Jack tried again.

"Look, this place is a fish bowl. You'll get out there, you'll find the man of your dreams, have a couple of mini Carters. Live happily ever after. And you'll look back and wonder how you thought you coulda felt something for an old geez like me".

"No sir..." she tried to interrupt

"Yes, Sam. Trust me. I have nothing to offer you except the chance to get you, me, the both of us court martialled. Is that what you want Sam? Really? One night stands on the sly?"

He hesitated, for just a moment, then continued on. "Let's see, I'll be in Nevada in a month...Probably for just a couple hours. I'll find us a nice cheap, out of the way, motel room...for a quick LAY over..."

He started to ramble and anger crept into his voice... not at her, but at himself for doing this... but he couldn't stop now, he had to see this through. "Then maybe I can arrange to make an excuse to get you into Washington a month after that...hey in 6 months maybe I can arrange a nice weekend at the cabin. You can't breathe a word of this to anyone though Sam. No one can see us, no one can know, we can't go out anywhere, be seen together... Just quick one nighters...with Jack "sure thing" O'Neill. Does that really do it for you? Maybe you just got a thing for men with power...I've heard there are women who..."

Her hand came across his face hard. He hadn't even noticed the glimmer of unshed tears in her eyes.

"Ouch" was all he could say as a red palm print reared itself on his cheek.

"You bastand" she gritted out.

"More than you know", was his reply. "You don't know me the way you think you do."

"I guess not", she gritted out. "I know what you're doing, and it didn't have to be this way. You took the letter. I was never going to give it to you". She was livid, her eyes flashing angrily at him. "You should have left it alone instead of making me feel like an idiot. I knew all of that..." she hissed, meaning she understood his scenario is all that could have been for them. "It didn't change the way I felt about you. But this sure as hell did. That you could treat me like some imbecilic school girl with a crush that you have to handle'" ...she wheeled the chair back and stood. The anger and hurt written all over her face.

He could feel his heart pounding, it was going to break. He never wanted to hurt her, never even considered this outcome.

She turned, back ram rod straight and strode to the door, clenching the knob as she wrenched it open.

"Sam?" he finally managed to get out.

She stopped, back to him. Straight as a board. She was a soldier after all, despite how he had just treated her.

He hesitated for a moment, torn between two options. He could fix this. He knew he should, knew he wanted to. More than anything he did not want her hating him. Jack took in a deep, anguished breathe, let it out slowly, then did what he knew he had to.

"I expect" he started in a quiet voice, "that in the future we not mention this again. It's to be forgotten when you leave. You are still in my chain of Command." Then louder, "Hit me again Colonel, and I'll have you up on assaulting a superior officer. Do.. you... understand?"

"Yes...Sir" she said through clenched teeth, back still to him.

"Good...dismissed."

The door slammed behind her and he slumped back in the chair. He had just destroyed any possibility of ever being with the woman he adored most. She would hate him, probably forever. And she would hurt. But she was strong. She would get over it...him. She would find someone, or someone would find her. She was too amazing for anything else. She was safe from being caught, gossiped about, made to feel cheap, demoted, or worse. She was safe...from him. He would never be good enough for her anyways. She was so damned smart, and so...hot.

He knew he would never love another and would continue in his soldier's life...alone.

But now that he wouldn't see her again, or at least not very frequently...what could it hurt?

He stood, walked to the door and turned off his lights. Only the glow of the dimmed lights in the empty briefing room allowed any light into his office. He returned to behind his desk and sat in his chair. Wouldn't be his for much longer he thought.

And so he sat there. And let his thoughts carry him away. He imagined he saw himself slipping a ring on her finger, carrying her over a threshold, watching her beautiful laughing face change to an expression of ecstasy as he slowly undressed her and began to kiss her softly. Starting at her feet and working ever so slowly ...up.

TBC

**  
DISCLAIMER: "Stargate SG-1," "Stargate Atlantis," and its characters are the property of MGM/UA, Double Secret Productions, Gekko Film Corp., Showtime/Viacom and USA Networks, Inc. This story is for entertainment purposes only and no money has exchanged hands. No copyright infringement is intended. The original characters, situations and story are the property of the author(s), and may not be republished or archived elsewhere without the author's permission.**


	2. Mending Fences

Mending Fences  
by Lesleyp

**Rating:** All Ages  
**Category:** MissingScene, Romance  
**Season:** SG-1 Season Eight, SG-1 Season Nine  
**Featured Character(s):** Jack ONeill, Daniel Jackson, Samantha Carter  
**Pairing(s):** Sam/Jack  
**Author Notes:** Apology sent to real scientists - you'll know why.

ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

It had been along day and she was tired. It was late. Most of her people had left for the day. Security patrols passed by her office again. Every half hour. It was beginning to grate on her. March. March. March. The inevitable halt as one of the MPs peered in, then after seeing it was her, would start again. March. March. March. Sometimes, especially late at night, it reminded her of the days of ducking behind pillars with "the boys", avoiding Jaffa patrols.

Lt. Colonel Samantha Carter took a deep breath and returned to the unfinished analysis report on her desk. Molecular Structure of Naquadria-synthetic study 2. It had been due to be sent to Washington this past Monday, and it was now Wednesday, report still not finished. A bit of a bust because they still hadn't fully broken the code and all the tests results weren't in yet.

A knock on her door, she looked up, then glanced at her watch. 2214 hours. It was even later than she had thought.

"Hey Brent, what are you still doing here?" she greeted her guest.

Dr. Brent Simons entered. He was young, early thirties she guessed. PhD in Nuclear Physics. Brilliant scientist. He was slim with thick short dark hair, deep brown eyes, standing at just over 6 foot. Not bad to look at. He certainly had most of the single women at the base swooning over him. He was one of the scientists working under her trying to find a way to synthesize Naquadria. They were trying to take it from the natural ore to create a liquefied form, that could be used to fuel ships, and perhaps to even help solve the world's energy problems. It wasn't working very well as the liquefied ore produced a very unstable reaction, 100 times more potent than anything she had ever seen. However, there may well be a use for that; she just hadn't figured it out yet.

"Colonel". He greeted in return.

His voice held a bit of a Northern accent. She never enquired because, well, frankly, she didn't care that much. She wasn't one of the "swooners", and had buried herself in her work. Breaking down molecular structures of the Universe was a great balm. She thought of nothing but her work.

"May I come in?" he requested.

"Sure. So... What are you still dong here?" she asked again.

"I just finished the final breakdown. I still haven't gotten around the gamma decay. With the high-energy electromagnetic waves being emitted from the atomic nucleus I still can't stabilize our synth enough to make it useful, or safe. The new synth form we developed still requires heavy shielding and makes it pretty much impracticable as a fuel source, or anything else for that matter."

"Great. Washington will love that". She smirked slightly, knowing that "Washington" meant Jack. She planned to finish this report with the most techno speak as possible because she knew he would be the one reading it. She felt a little guilty, but hey, payback...

"I don't get you Colonel. I doubt the Pentagon will find this funny. We've been working on this for over a year and still can't get it. Since Naquadria is in serious short supply a synthetic breakthrough could be ..."

Sam held up her hand to stop Brent from continuing.

"I know the implications Doctor. I may have only been here for 6 months, but I was one of the people actually out there..." she waved her hand toward the desert night sky peeking in through her office window. "That's not why I'm smiling"

"Inside joke then, Colonel"

"Very" she replied. "Thanks Brent. Really. It was a good try. I was hoping we were on the edge of a breakthrough too. We'll go over all the data again starting tomorrow and set up more testing parameters, try and figure out what we're missing." Sam looked back to the opened unfinished report where she had been jotting some notes.

Brent turned toward the door, then stopped and faced Sam again. "Colonel? I was wondering if I could ask you a personal question?"

Sam looked up and hesitated. "Sure... I guess... "she answered.

"Well, I was just wondering if you would like to have dinner with me sometime".

"Oh" replied Sam, taken more than a little off guard by his offer.

"I mean, if you're not seeing someone that is. I hope I'm not out of line".

Sam felt uncomfortable and squirmed a little in her chair. For the past 6 months, since leaving the SGC she had put any thought of a personal life on the back burner and delved into her work. She looked at Brent for just a moment. He was cute, brilliant, they spoke the same language, or at least similar. But he wasn't Jack. He would never be Jack. She would never have Jack. She wanted no one but Jack. Even after his "fumbling the ball" so to speak on the night she left the SGC, he was the only man loved.

She had tried not to think of that night since coming to Area 51. Her main project was to reverse engineer the hyperdrive engine. Although, her hands were really in all the research projects. It was great to be so close to Cassie again too.

In terms of the Naquadria synth project, she was sure the answer was in GUT-Power (The Grand Unified Theory), and its division into the four fundamental powers. If they could just break this down and use this knowledge as a base to synthesize Naquadria safely. She knew the key was somewhere in the spectral analysis data coming in daily from the Chandra X-ray Observatory (CXO) and the blackbody radiation emitting from the natural Naquadria ore samples they had locked up in the lab.

Engine design, synthesizing Naquadria, as well as the daily administration of the R & D division of area 51, had been her only goals, thoughts, and breath for the past 6 months.

A week ago HE had shown up at the base, unscheduled and unannounced. Lieutenant General Jonathan "Jack" O'Neill. She smiled remembering the panic most of the base staff went through. He requested immediate briefings from each division on the base, starting with R & D. He was in a bad mood and very demanding with the department heads. HE snapped, people jumped, literally.

Being the head of R & D she had led her team in the briefing with Brent and Major Riley assisting. They were first, and the session lasted about an hour. She and her team had briefly outlined to the General all the current research projects and experiments underway at the base, including the Naquadria synthesis testing. HE had seemed very interested in that one and wanted a full report sent to him due on Monday.

It had gone well. She had been professional, cool, detached, and most importantly thorough in her briefing. He had been...tired. He looked so tired. When Brent went into explaining the process of breaking down the molecular structure of the ore and how he was attempting to liquefy the energy, she saw his eyes glaze over. But to his credit he let Brent finish without interruption. Only once during Brent's diatribe did he glance in her direction with that old pained "Help" look on his face before quickly averting his gaze back to his note pad on the table.

At the end of their session he thanked them and her for their great work. Asked them to keep it up, said he looked forward to her full report, and then dismissed them. He not once during the entire briefing looked her directly in the eyes though. He had lost respect for her. She felt it. Damn. She wished she had never written that letter.

Next the other division heads had a turn. HE was there for most of the day, but she hadn't seen him again until she glanced out her window near 1800. He was climbing into the passenger side of a helicopter, looking as handsome as ever. She had noted again how tired he looked, and slim. It seemed he was losing weight. Not what she would expect, given his appetite mixed with a desk job.

Coming back from her reverie and seeing Brent still there she finally responded. "I'm flattered Brent. Really. But I think we should just keep this on a professional basis".

"Why?"

Sam's eyes flew open a little wider. She didn't expect that. Hoped really he would just say oh, ok,' and leave.

"Well, uh, Brent, I don't really feel comfortable talking about my personal life. But really, thanks anyways".

"From what I've seen over the last 6, Samantha, may I call you Samantha? You don't have a personal life. Listen, I'm a nice guy, we work well together, we understand each other, I'm good looking, you're good looking, I'm single, you're...?"

"Not so single".

"Oh" it was his turn to be taken off guard. "I'm sorry, I just assumed..." And then from out of nowhere "O'Neill?"

She was stunned. She could not believe he'd had the audacity to ask that, and was unable to keep her jaw from dropping.

"What would make you say something like that?" she tersely asked, giving him what she hoped was a good military stare down.

"Sorry...again. I'd heard some rumours. Which is what took me so long to ask you out. But when he was here last week I thought they must have been way off because you two seemed very professional together during the briefing, then he just left. Didn't really feel the ... ah...chemistry...if you know what I mean?"

Sam continued to glare while she spoke in, for her, an unusually low and commanding tone, "General O'Neill and I worked very closely together for several years. We respect each other immensely, and I was his second in command for most of the time we worked together. Were I a man I doubt there would be... as you say..."rumours". The fact that I am a woman shouldn't make a difference. You can forget the rumours Doctor, nothing unprofessional ever happened between General O'Neill and myself, not that it's anyone's business. Now we have a job to do. I have a report to finish. I will not discuss my personal life with my staff. I am a Colonel in the United States Air Force and expect to be treated with the level of respect that position demands and deserves. Understood."

"Ah, ya, sorry Colonel, I really didn't mean anything by it," Brent choked out, looking very chastised. "See you tomorrow?"

"Tomorrow. Goodnight Brent". Sam thought she knew how he must be feeling right now, but didn't think it wise to ease up on him just yet. She was off limits, if only because she couldn't offer her heart to anyone just now...if ever.

Brent left and Sam returned to trying to finish the report. She couldn't concentrate anymore. She glanced at her watch and saw that it was just about 2300. Time to head home. It had been a long day and she was tired. She needed sleep. Unknown to her, Lt. Colonel Samantha Carter's day was far from over.

She put her key in the door and entered the house. It was nice to have a house to herself on base. The lack of vegetation sometimes bothered her, but she was usually only here at night, to sleep, so it wasn't that big of a deal. She moved toward the kitchen in the dark. Maybe a little sip of wine to help her relax and then off to bed. She didn't have to be back to her office until 0830 hours so she could take a little time to herself.

Once in the small kitchen she reached into the cupboard and retrieved a wine glass then opened the refrigerator door and pulled out a half empty bottle of red wine. Pouring herself some she headed toward the living room, the remainder of the bottle in hand. Small, plain, military style house, but comfy. In the 6 months here though she was still living out of boxes not having had time to unpack most of her things. Well at least her couch and chair were clear of debris. And she had TeeVee' she thought in her best Homer drawl. That was HIS thing. She even watched some of the shows. It made her feel close to him for some stupid reason. She had to laugh at herself. She used to be so meticulous at keeping her house clean too. Lately though she only had time for work, and for Cassie of course, who stayed with her almost every weekend.

Sam slowly sunk into her favorite chair and placed the wine bottle on the side table beside her. Ahhhhhhhhhh she thought. She put out her hand to grab the remote that she knew would also be on the table. Feeling around she came up empty, almost knocking over the bottle and the lamp that rested there. Damn, she thought. Reaching up she clicked on the lamp.

Sam gasped and dropped her glass. The wine soaking through her khaki's before the glass hit the floor, shattering on contact.

"Looking for this?" he asked as he held out the remote to her from his seat on the sofa. "I was getting bored waiting for you so I thought I'd watch a little. Don't mind do ya?" When she made no move to take it he put the remote back down beside him. Damn, she did still hate him, he thought. This wasn't going to be easy.

Sam could not find her voice, just continued to stare at him. She didn't even feel the wine all over her pants. He was dressed casually in beige pants and black t-shirt. His greying hair was looking a little mussed, like he had slept on it recently. Maybe he had fallen asleep on her couch. He did look tired, and thinner than she thought he should. But handsome, so very handsome just the same.

"Nice look" he said glancing at the wine on her clothes. "Sort of new for you, isn't it? Nouveau slob?" He was smiling. Making fun of her. In her own house. And yet she still couldn't find her voice.

He winced. "Still not talking to me?" his smile faded, and he took in a deep breath, then slowly let it out. "O...k". After a brief pause he continued. "So...you don't call...you don't write..."he said squinting his eyes and tilting his head. She knew what he meant.

"I'm sorry the report is late sir, I was waiting for one last set of results which I obtained this evening. I'll have it finished and sent off to you first thing in the morning".

"You don't call..." he said again.

She said nothing. Damn, wasn't even going to ask what he was doing there or how he'd gotten into her house. He'd spent the last hour coming up with funny quips to answer those ones.

They sat there looking at each other for a moment.

She thinking he was waiting for her to ask questions so he could blurt out quick one liners. She wasn't going to give him the satisfaction. Well at least he was making eye contact.

And he, remembering how she made him feel. The tightening feeling in his stomach, the quickening of his heart beat.

Finally he broke the silence and reached into a file bag sitting on the floor at his feet.

"I need you to look this over. You do that, I'll clean the mess". He stood and held out a folder to her with the Air Force emblem and Top Secret emblazed across the front. She glanced down at the cover. "Daniel?" she asked.

"Ya, Daniel wrote it" he answered still holding it out for her. "Long story. Short version, he didn't make it to Atlantis. Long version. Read".

She took the report from him. He in turn stooped to clean the shattered glass at her feet. She opened the folder and began to read. ORI - Dr. Daniel Jackson. He was still cleaning the glass shards. She kept reading ORI - Dr. Daniel Jackson. What the hell was taking him so long to clear up a broken wine glass? After what seemed like an eternity he stood back up and headed toward the kitchen, broken glass in hand. She let out a slow breath, the one she hadn't even realized she'd been holding.

In the kitchen Jack found the garbage bin hiding under the kitchen sink and tossed in the broken glass. He then put both arms on the counter top and braced himself. Damn, guess that fantasy of starting at her feet and working his way up wasn't such a good idea. He damned well almost re-enacted it for real this time. Doh! Wonder if she noticed, he thought. Well at least she didn't kick him. Positive thinking...Positive thinking...

He found the wine glasses hiding in an upper cupboard and retrieved one, then grabbed a towel hanging off the stove bar, and headed back out to Sam. A strange feeling came over him. Like this is how it should be. Him...heading back to Sam.

She was fully engrossed in the report, so he threw the towel at her feet to mop up the remainder of the wine and then poured her another glass. She looked up at him and he handed her the wine. Eye contact. He was still making eye contact with her. Sam's heart was pounding.

"Thanks" she said.

"You're welcome" he said.

"You need a weapon?"

"I need weapons. Super weapons if possible...Ships would be good too". He returned to his place on the couch.

"And you're here...why? You could have called. You were here last week, we could've discussed this then...in my office. This report was written weeks ago." It then occurred to her "Is this why you were here last week getting a briefing from us?"

He inclined his head giving a little nod to indicate that it was.

Almost as an aside she said, "I wish someone had told me about Daniel."

Jack shifted uncomfortably and looked down at his hands, fingers meshed, the moment for the little quips he had been practising while waiting for her lost.

"Daniel's been...busy," he finally answered.

"Vala?"

"Ya...Vala," and he broke into a wide smile, a chuckle escaping from him. "When you call him, and I know you will," he hesitated, giving her a sly grin, "you have to ask him how they met...and how he just can't live without her," and for the first time in a long time she heard him laugh. A full deep laugh.

Not being in on the joke she just sat and watched him. Her tummy tightening with that old familiar feeling, enjoying just the sight of him. Seeing that she wasn't even smiling, just staring at him, he stopped laughing and shifted again.

"O...K", he finally said. "So... How ya been?"

"Fine" she replied, "You?"

"Good," he lied. "Well, busy, tired," not lying. Fidgeting a bit. "Anything new?" he tried again.

"Not much, busy too." What was he doing she wondered. She lifted the wine glass to her lips to have a sip, not noticing his gaze following the glass' path.

"Seeing anyone?" he couldn't believe he had just blurted that out...right out there...He grimaced ever so slightly while quickly glancing back to his entwined fingers. Subtle Jack, very subtle he berated himself.

Sam choked on the wine, spitting some out, and coughing violently. Her khaki shirt now matching her pants. "What the hell...?" She blurted out between gasps. He didn't move to help. When she finally looked at him, his gaze had returned to her face. He looked very stoic. She didn't know that he was feeling a little horrified at his lack of... finesse.

Regaining herself she looked him square in the eye. Who the hell did he think he was? She was angry and taken completely off guard, but she maintained her composure, well except for a little wine still wet on her chin. But in her tone he heard the Colonel he always knew she could be. "That, General is not only an inappropriate question, but quite frankly, none of your business".

He opened his mouth to say something, but she continued before he could get a chance to explain. Her tone very clipped and detached. Very military. "That said, sir, I will answer your question. Yes, sir, I am. Dr. Simons is a civilian so there are no regulatory conflicts. Despite being technically one of my staff, he is my equal and was the aggressor so to speak, so I don't believe I'm breaking any rules. As I said, he is my equal, intellectually speaking, and we have a great deal in common. So you don't have to worry General. My school girl crush is over. Quite frankly, I am very embarrassed by the whole thing and am very sorry it caused you...discomfort. I am fully aware of my duty and my responsibilities. My team and I will get to work on this right away," she held up the report. "We won't let you down".

It hit Jack with the force of a Zat gun. He was stunned. Couldn't move. Could barely breathe. It hurt like hell. His eyes narrowed ever so slightly. Not what he had planned or hoped for at all. But he knew he deserved it. He had made her feel this way just 6 long months ago. Only difference was, he had lied. She just didn't know that.

Now? Now it was too late to tell her.

His facial expression belied nothing of what he was feeling. After what seemed like hours, but in fact had only been a few seconds, he finally felt he could speak without his voice breaking.

"Sweet...I mean... good...that's great."

Her heart was pounding but her face mirrored his.

"You're right Colonel, that was inappropriate. I'm sorry. I'm happy for you. Hope it ...works out...for you." He found the strength to give a little half smile, trying to keep the heart break from showing in his eyes. He stood up and gave his bum knee a little shake.

"I'll leave this with you then..." motioning to the folder she held. "Try and come up with something to part the red sea wouldya?...ok, well actually to blow it to...well, not the red sea exactly...you know what I mean. No it's ok, don't get up", he said waving her down as she prepared to stand. "I have to be...somewhere... else..." he glanced at his watch. "Well...now."

He looked at her again, her blue eyes burning into him. "I'm depending on you Carter. Oh, and that report would be nice too." He smiled.

Before she could utter "Yes sir", he was at the door, and then gone. She heard the door close and suddenly her little house felt far too big, far too empty, and far too alone. Lt. Colonel Samantha Carter lowered her head, put her hands to her face, and began to cry.

She stayed that way for about 10 minutes, then decided to get up and clean the mess and then get some sleep. It had been a long day.

She looked down at the mess of her clothes and had to let out a giggle. It was kind of funny after all, her new look'. She stooped to pick up the towel that had been soaking up wine at her feet, then noticed HE had left his file bag by the couch. She reached for it and was about to put Daniel's brief back in when she noticed an envelope. She put the brief on her chair and reached in and pulled out the envelope.

On the front, in his scrolling handwriting, was her name -

Samantha

My dearest Sam

I know, regulations. Whatever. Probably will give you the letter if I can't get this out when I see you at your place. Oh ya, forgot to tell you, I'm on the way.

I am an ass. And I suck at this. I know, it's been said already. You deserve better than how I handled it. So much better. Most of all you deserve the truth. Truth is I lied. I did...do feel the same. Have for a long time. How didn't you know?

I just couldn't think of a way to make it work. Still can't. Been trying though. I can't write feelings as well as you, but I'll try. I owe you that.

I miss you. I need you. I saw you last week. You're looking good by the way. Little skinnier. Eat woman! Got the feeling you still hate me, and I can't blame you. I was such an ass.

Having a hard time in this role Sam. Can't get into it in a letter, but I'm not sure they got the right guy in this job. I am so out of my league. There were times I felt that way at the SGC, but then I had you by my side. Explaining stuff to me in good old American english. Politics. God I hate the politics. No sleep, lots to worry about. And the reading...oy!

I miss my right hand woman. I miss my Colonel. I miss my genius. Most of all I miss my friend. We were friends weren't we? Good friends?

Maybe I left it too late. I couldn't help but notice that Simmons guy looking at you. Wanted to punch him. Good self control dontcha think? Always thought that when all was said and done, it would be you and me. I messed up Sam. Big.

Dwelling, now.

So what am I trying to say? I tried to retire Sam. They promoted me. I thought of asking you to retire and carry on as a civilian. Couldn't do that to you. What you do is so important and it would be a bad idea for you not to call the shots. If you were a civi, you'd have an A.F. rank supervising, who might not be smart enough to defer to you when necessary. At least I'm smart enough for that.

I should've told you all this 6 months ago. I know. I'm sure of myself in tactical situations. Romance...not so much. Have not a clue of what you see in me. I got old, Sam, and you're so, you know, hot...I mean beautiful. Still I should've been honest. Let you decide if the risk was worth it to you. Maybe you could've figured it out. You were always the brains in our dynamic duo.

Don't know what else to say, Samantha. If I am too late, or if you can't figure a way either, can I at least ask that you not hate me? At the very least, I need my friend back. Please.

I do love you. I do..am in love with you too. I'm sorry I hurt you. Very, very sorry.

J

PS: If you wouldn't mind burning this after you read it. Wouldn't be good for someone else to find. Ya think?

**  
DISCLAIMER: "Stargate SG-1," "Stargate Atlantis," and its characters are the property of MGM/UA, Double Secret Productions, Gekko Film Corp., Showtime/Viacom and USA Networks, Inc. This story is for entertainment purposes only and no money has exchanged hands. No copyright infringement is intended. The original characters, situations and story are the property of the author(s), and may not be republished or archived elsewhere without the author's permission.**


	3. New Hope

Reality Bites - New Hope  
by Lesleyp

**Rating:** All Ages  
**Category:** Humor, MissingScene, Romance, Angst, Hurt/Comfort  
**Season:** SG-1 Season Nine  
**Spoliers/Related SG-1 Episode(s):** 906 Beachhead  
**Featured Character(s):** Jack ONeill, Daniel Jackson, Samantha Carter  
**Pairing(s):** Sam/Jack

ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

She read the letter again.

He needed her. He missed her. He wanted her. He loved her.

She stood for a long time soaking it in. Then fatigue began to overtake her and she headed off to her bedroom. On auto pilot she undressed and got between the sheets.

Feeling more complete than she had in years, her last thought before falling asleep was that Jack needed his genius first and she was not going to disappoint. Sometime during the night, in deep sleep, she dreamt of once again saving a world so that they could one day find a way to be together.

A use for the ... If she created a pair production reaction with the broken down Nuclei of the synth Naquadria she could...maybe...just maybe...create a Nuclear fusion weapon enhanced with the power of the synth Naquadria many times more powerful then the reactor she built with the help of the Orbanians, or more specifically the child Merrin. The power of such a weapon would be...well...astronomical. It would take careful planning, a lot of caution, and a little time. Not much, as she would not be able to test the totality of the reaction, at least not near an inhabited planet. But she was confident she had it. She already had a working reactor. Just a few modifications to the shielding, careful introduction of the synth, and that would be it. Why hadn't she thought of it sooner?

Well that mission had blown, he told himself. Daniel's report had only been an excuse, and a cover, in case he'd been caught. He could've sent it to her through other means. But he wanted to try and repair the damage. He even wrote a letter before heading out in case he couldn't get the words out. How was that for male bravado? Well, everyone knew he wasn't much for words. Not much for writing either.

Oops. After sneaking off base he had realized he had left his file bag, with the incriminating letter, back at Sam's. His really cool exit would be totally blown if he went back for it. Officially he was taking an extra long weekend, but after what had just happened he changed his travel plans and headed back for Washington. Too much to do anyways.

On his flight back he tried to let it go. He felt so tired. Too much going on, and a lot of it just damned well confusing. He never got all that Sci Fi stuff. Preferred comedies...cartoon comedies really...maybe the occasional documentary...as long as it wasn't too complex.

So how the hell did his life end up one big Sci Fi movie? How the hell did he end up as the lead? He used to have Carter to explain it to him, to lean on, to help make the non tactical decisions - and some tactical ones. His... not comedic sidekick... more like his hands off romantic co star.

Let it go, he told himself.

He used to hate the awkwardness. The wanting, not touching, trying to hide his feelings crap. But he'd give almost anything for that back. At least she would be with him, not hundreds of miles away. And pissed with him. For being such an ass. The hardest part was he knew exactly what it was like to kiss her. A real, deep, long one. His only regret on that one was not seeing the look on George's face...too busy smoochin Sam. And she had kissed him back and pulled him closer. She just didn't remember. Let it go, he told himself again.

All these years. Putting the world before himself, before her. Not asking much in return. Now a new threat. A bigger threat. And if he kept up at the pace he was going he would be good to no one.

He knew it had been, well, stupid to think that she would still feel the same - especially after how he had bungled her last day at the SGC. Stupid to think she wouldn't move on. Stupid to show up at her place last night. What if he had been caught? Really stupid to think she would have dropped everything for a risky weekend away with him to his cabin. Stupid. Dense. Dumb.

Things had happened way too fast for him. When he had tried to retire, he was promoted to Major General and transferred to oversee Homeworld Security. On paper it didn't even exist. Then they promoted him again. Too many other Major Generals reporting to him. Guys that had been at it a lot longer than him. But the President had felt that Jack's field work was a unique qualifier and arranged the new promotion through the Chief of Staff. He was uncomfortable with the new rank, and it's responsibilities and had no one to talk to about it. His team, his friends, hundreds of miles, and in the case of one, worlds away.

His mind drifted back to the last night at the SGC with Sam, saying goodbye to Daniel, the move to Washington with it's immediate promotion to Major General. He had known about that in advance, had been told about it in a phone call from the President, just after the President directly denied his request for retirement. It was during the same call that he had learned of his impending transfer to the Pentagon. Not the normal process or procedure, but nothing had been usual for him in years. He hadn't told the gang about it though. It was just too weird.

Then the move to Washington. That was fun. Not. Nice of the Air Force to assign him an assistant that had already arranged a rented apartment suite for him in Arlington. For crying out loud! An apartment! Ok. It was big. Guess it was nice. Expensive... Not that it mattered much with his housing allowance. Easy commute. But an apartment for crying out loud! Holy crap!

Next came the even funner stuff. Reading all kinds of crap, briefings with the Homeworld security department heads, reading more crap, the promotion to Lieutenant General, reading yet more crap, briefings with the joint chiefs, crap, briefings with the politicians, reading... Etcetera... etcetera...etcetera.

All that made the apartment thing not so bad as he was barely ever there. Good thing his new office had a comfy leather couch and his own bathroom, fully equipped with shower. He had once taken pride in that he could quip off and be a smart ass in almost any situation, but he was quickly losing his sense of humor. Gee, wonder that, he thought to himself.

And then there had been some fun again. Daniel's adventure. Ok, well, not fun exactly, but it had reminded him of the not so long ago when he was the one out there taking the lead against the bad guys. He had flown to Cheyenne and was briefed on the latest by Hank and received a copy of Daniel's report, then he went and spent some time with Daniel himself...eating. That was cool. Then took Mitchell on a flight to settle the boy down. That was very cool.

Being at the SGC had brought the memory of Sam flooding back. Especially sitting there in his old office...that he had never felt was his. Reminding him of what he had done to her. Up to then he had been ok. Ok, so he hadn't been ok...exactly. But he had managed to suppress...most of it...during the day. Up to then. It's what he did.

He had almost given in. Almost. Almost headed straight to Area 51 after leaving the Mountain. It had taken everything that he had not to give into that urge. To go and find her, sneak her off base, beg. Damn he missed her! If she wanted him he'd break every reg. in the book to be with her. But he hadn't. Instead he had headed back to Washington. Coward, he had called himself at the time, and meant it.

The week after that found him at Area 51. Things were getting tense and he needed a first hand briefing on anything...anything...they had that might be useful in tackling these Ori glowy fire bug things.

Seeing her again, being in the same room, listening to her techno babble. He had tried to listen, really tried to be attentive, but...crap! If he looked her in the eyes he'd be done. So he faked taking notes. Then Simmons, Simons, whatever. That was the worst. Guy just droned on and on and on. And he kept looking over at Sam for...what...? Jack wasn't sure, but he didn't like how the guy was looking at her.

The whole time the guy was talking Jack imagined taking him by the throat and squeezing, hard, till the life was sucked right out of him. At one point Jack dared a glance in Sam's direction and couldn't keep the pained look from his face as she was staring at Mr. Brilliant doctor...with...that ...look. Note taking...this is me...taking notes...he had chimed in his head and returned his eyes to the table.

Then it was over. He had to meet with all the other departments, so he gave them the "yea, team", speech, and that was it. She was gone. Maybe later he'd sneak by her office, have a chat, a hug, a smooch... Next the team of engineers took their places at the briefing table.

What the hell am I thinking, he had scolded himself. Move on dumb ass, she is. You got more important things to deal with than your infatuation over a Colonel you can't touch. He'd made a snorting sound out loud, causing the group he was meeting with next to look pensively at him. "Go on..." was all he barked out.

And then there was last night, sneaking into her house, hoping to mend fences, sweep her off her feet.

She hadn't seemed too impressed with the whole Vala thing. Daniel and he had decided to keep some of the...well...more sordid details from her of Daniel's first encounter. Now that he had opened the door, he wondered if she was going to call Daniel and get the full scoop. Daniel had been so embarrassed...ssswweeeeet... So Jack had agreed to share only the most basic information with the other team members. It had been hard...or rather... difficult. He wondered if Sam would think it was as hilarious as he had at the time. Probably, although she'd be more sympathetic with him. Jack had enjoyed the subtle teasing and jabs at Daniel's expense the last while they were all together. Sam probably knew there was more to it, but no one had enlightened her. Poor Daniel. Jack couldn't help but snicker again at the memory.

Good ole days. Now Daniel was starring in his own Sci Fi movie, Sam was moving on with her life... and here he was. Alone. Getting old. Out of his league. Crap! Wasn't the hero of the story always supposed to end up with the girl?

Jack watched out the window as the plane began to descend and let go of a defeated sigh. Sort of lucky getting a commercial stand by seat on a flight back to D.C. right away. Couldn't exactly have gone A.F. now could he, being sneaky and all. In a lot of ways, this had been an expensive lesson.

After landing at Dulles he headed straight to his office. It was 11:23 hours, he would catch a nap on his couch, then try to get some paper work done. Fun. Oh boy. Well I tried, he thought to himself. Now get over it. You screwed up and you can't fix it. No more dwelling. He felt so tired.

Jack in civilian clothing had turned quite a few female heads while he had made his way to his section within the Pentagon. He really was very handsome and noticeably more now that he wasn't concealed in bulky Class A's. Of course, he never noticed the turned heads. As he strode into his outer office, his assistant was shocked to see him, but said nothing. He wasn't supposed to be here and she had been hoping to finally have a less stressful day. She too noticed his civilian clothing. Well he was supposed to be off, she thought to herself, wondering what national emergency had brought him back in. Still, she held her tongue, she'd seen that dark look one to many times and jumped in her seat when he slammed his office door behind him.

Sitting at his desk, pondering a nap then shower, or shower then nap, he logged onto his computer. Habit. He had new mail. " Imagine" he sarcastically quipped out loud. Two caught his interest immediately. Glancing at his watch he saw the time was close to 1230. It would be about 930 there. Wonder if she had a nice sleep? Stop, he warned himself.

Samantha awoke with a start and jumped out of bed. So much to do. Sam took a quick shower, got dressed, and headed right back to the base. By the time the rest of her team had arrived, her report was finished. She sent it via encrypted email directly to Jack's office. She then sent a second email to Jack. She hoped he would understand her cryptic message. You never knew who was actually monitoring these things so she had to be careful.

To: Lt. Gen. J. O'Neill From: Lt. Col. S. Carter Subject: Weapon's grade synthetic Naquadria

General

Thank you for the report received yesterday. I have given it a great deal of consideration and would like to advise that we already have the required device that you have requested - my Naquadria fusion reactor. We just need to make a few adjustments to meet your needs. Hopefully it won't take too long. Details to follow soon.

I also received the other document which I have dealt with as ordered. That information was most helpful and appreciated. Thank you. I hope that we will have the opportunity to discuss it very soon in person as I have come up with some promising thoughts which I'm sure you will be very pleased.

Lt. Col. S. Carter

SEND

Her next order of business was to gather her team leads and lab assistants. She briefed them on her plan and sent them off to the labs promising to follow in an hour or so.

Then she called Daniel. That call lasted a while and really cheered her spirits. No wonder Daniel or Jack had never told her the full story about the way Daniel and Vala had met. Sam not only heard but could picture Daniel's excruciating embarrassment as she laughed to the point of tears as he begrudgingly re-lived it for her. Sam hadn't laughed that hard since, well...since leaving the SGC. Poor Daniel. She promised to arrange to see him soon then hung up.

The rest of the day flew by as she and her team carefully planned the adjustments to her reactor. The introduction of the synth was going to be easy, just dangerous and would have to be completed with great delicacy.

Sam finally returned to her office at 1700 hours to type out her notes. Logging into her computer she noticed she had a new message.

To: Lt. Col. S. Carter From: Lt. Gen. J. O'Neill Subject: Weapon's grade synthetic Naquadria

Colonel

Great news. Knew I could count on you. Won't have another op to leave Washington anytime soon. Lots happening here. Will call soon. Report to me directly on the first project. Base command already advised. Re: other project Have to know - Simmons? Risk? Need quick assessment before proceeding further.

To: Lt. Gen. J. O'Neill From: Lt. Col. S. Carter Subject:

General

It's actually Dr. Simons, sir. He is helping to make the necessary adjustments to the fusion reactor. I'll fill you in soon, typing up notes now. Nuclear physics is his speciality.

I can assure you that he poses absolutely no risk to the other project. I thought I needed a cover. I have realized that my assumption was premature and there is no need to involve him further...other than with the reactor adjustments.

Lt. Col. S. Carter

SEND

Sam opened the word processor to begin her first draft of the Synthetic Naquadria- Weapons Application' report when her computer dinged, indicating a new email message. Opening it, she was surprised to see it was from Jack. What's he still doing in his office? Washington time it would be...she did a quick mental conversion...just after 20:00 hours.

To: Lt. Col. S. Carter From: Lt. Gen. J. O'Neill Subject: Hi

Hey Info received. Looking forward to your suggestions - too bad you didn't come up with them...SOONER!

Sam laughed out loud, knowing exactly what he meant. Last night could have gone so much better had she not been so angry and defensive with him. Who knew? She continued reading.

VERY nice to hear back from you though. Need I say - be careful - Don't want ya pullin a Homer down there. Will call as soon as I can - heading into a late night session. I'm bringing the cards. Hoping someone remembers the beer this time. Keep up the great work...yada yada...etc. etc. and so on.

She replied:

To: Lt. Gen. J. O'Neill From: Lt. Col. S. Carter Subject: Hi

Doh!

SEND

Jack was smiling broadly as he headed from his office. Ok, his genius Colonel was hard at it. Bonus, he had his friend back too it seemed...maybe...hopefully...more. Yesterday may have paid off after all, although the past couple of days blurred together as he was operating on about 3 hours sleep outta the last 40 or so. He was still smiling as he entered the briefing room, the last to arrive, and closed the door behind him.

The next week had flown by for Sam with amazing results. The introduction of the synth and the minor adjustments to the shielding went off without a hitch. It was ready, and now she had time to take some leave. With him. It was mid day Friday, and she was packing. Off to Minnesota campers. The phone in her house started to ring and she hesitated, should she answer?

She remembered back to his phone call on Tuesday. She'd been home getting ready for bed at about 2230 when her cell had started to ring.

"Colonel Carter"

"Hey" he said. It was Jack.

"Hello General!" she had been dying to hear his voice. Would've been better if he had snuck back into her house, but this would have to do.

"It's ok...Jack...this is ...unofficial... So...watcha doin?"

"Just getting ready for bed, sir"

"No sir"...then suggestively he drawled "Mmmmmm...bed".

Sam laughed, not knowing how much he had missed the sound of that. It had been too long. Way too long for him.

"Sorry haven't called sooner...you know...busy" he explained.

"That's ok", she excused. He sounded very tired. "So...what's up?" she asked.

"How's my bomb"? he asked nonchalantly.

"Almost done" she replied.

"And..." he let it trail.

"And what, sir...I mean Jack?"

"I believe there were some suggestions you had on that other project..." he opened the door.

"Well, actually, I was hoping to get to that in person".

"Soon...I hope. Just wanted to...I dunno...o...k..." she heard him let out a breath. "This is awkward". He stated. She imagined he was doing that hand wiping thing over his eyes. This was fun.

"Glad you think so..." he remarked.

"Oops, sorry, didn't realize I said that out loud", she responded, trying to suppress the laughter.

Jack tried again. "I just need to be sure you know what you're getting...what we're getting into..." Again, letting it hang.

"Well if I may ramble for a moment?" she asked.

"You may...but only if you tell me what you're wearing first..."

Sam laughed. "Let's see, oversized Khaki colored pyjamas".

"Never mind...ramble away." He chuckled.

"I've been giving this a lot of thought... No cracks about that not surprising you either" she warned.

Silence. No way, no how, was he going to mess it up this time.

"Anyways, I was thinking...," and true to her word, Sam began to ramble.

"You and me... well...there is no easy answer," she started. "It's completely against regulations; we could both lose everything we've worked for. We're both in positions where we need to set the example. But..."

"But?" Jack reiterated.

"If we were to start something...you know...romantically...it would be very complicated...secretive... difficult. We'd have to juggle our schedules to find time to be together. And if we were ever caught...well...it would be complicated."

"Uh huh" he said noncommittally.

Now pacing her bedroom floor, "This is stupid!" she burst out.

"What?" Well that had taken him off guard.

Sam walked over to her bedroom window and looked out into the desert night sky. She hesitated another moment then continued.

"This is stupid", she said more softly this time, sitting on her bed. "What I mean is, we've been risking our lives for years. Both of us, and never asking for much in return. I love you. You love me. Between us, we've saved this world countless times and we're still working on it, and the world won't let us be together."

Her voice rising she continued. "Regulations!" she snorted. "Like we haven't broken regulations before. Ok sure we had excuses like alien viruses, mind control, whatever". She waved her hand in the air. "But there were some we broke or at least almost broke when we had all our faculties. Don't tell me I'm wrong," she pretty much yelled into the phone.

Jack, listening on his cell phone in D.C., was trying his hardest not to zone out, but the little doodle circles he was making in a note pad were having a hypnotic effect. He didn't even go to bed these days without a note pad close by.

"Jack!"

"Didn't say anything". Ok, he thought, better pay attention here Jack m'boy.

"Sorry. Ok...Ok...I know. But I know what you're thinking ...si...Jack, that this is a pretty big one to break. Am I wrong?"

He grunted, indicating...well pretty much nothing is what he hoped.

Sam started pacing again. "I'm a Colonel, you're a General. We both need to be where we're at. And I'm not saying I don't agree with the no frat rule, because I do. It's valid. It's to protect everyone, from preference, from complications or clouded judgement in combat situations, from sexual harassment ... I get it, I really get it. And ok, maybe it made sense when we were out there..." She stopped, waving her hand toward the darkened window as though he could see her.

"But seriously, what could it hurt now?" she continued. "We're consenting adults, we're both professional enough to handle it, any involvement we have now won't affect us in combat or how we do our jobs. I don't want preferential treatment, and even without any intimacy I suspect I got it from you anyways. And even if we didn't work out, which I don't believe for a second, but if we didn't, we can still do our jobs. I don't see the problem. I really don't".

He could hear she was on the verge of tears and started to speak, but she cut him off.

"Please, Jack, let me finish. My point is...", her voice started to rise again out of frustration, "Oh for crying out loud! ...I'm just going to come out and say it...for once...just this once...I want something in return for putting my whole life into making sure everyone else has one. There are no guarantees...in anything. Maybe we'll find we don't have what I think we have. Or maybe it'll fade, or maybe we'll get caught, or maybe, maybe, maybe."

She dug deep to find the courage to carry on. She had practised various versions of this conversation over and over in her mind since finding his letter. "I would rather the complications, the clandestine meetings, the prospect of court martial... then never knowing what could've...the what if's...the..." She just couldn't finish, just couldn't find the right words and she began to feel helpless. "Jack?" she pleaded.

"Are you done now?" he asked wryly.

"I don't know what else to say, how to convince or reassure you that we can work it out. I'm not a super woman. I'm only human, and this human needs and wants you...just you. And if that's wrong...or illegal as the case may be...I just can't..." she let out a despondent sigh.

"I need to ask you one thing" he cut in.

"What?" the exhaustion of her emotional outburst sounding very evident in her voice.

"Are you and Daniel related? Or maybe have the same disease...or something?"

"What?" she asked, now very confused.

"Well...Sam... you both seem to have to go into these big verbose ...analysis... on...well...everything...pretty much...when you know..." he paused for just a second, glad she couldn't see the huge mischievous grin that was spreading across his face ". ..you sorta already had me at Hello General'" he finished, trying to raise his voice an octave on the Hello General'.

After her uncontrollable laughter died down, five minutes later, he asked her to meet him at the cabin Friday night for a weekend fishing trip. They both knew what was going to happen. Regs. were definately going to get broken.

Bringing her back to the present, the phone continued to ring insistently. Stopping her packing, she picked up the receiver.

"Colonel Carter".

"Hey"

"General", she used the formal as he was calling on her base land line.

"Whatcha doing?"

She knew by his tone something was wrong.

"Packing?" she asked rather than stated, her heart in her throat.

Jack stared at the yet unauthorized Personnel Redeployment Request on his desk. Landry was requesting her immediate transfer back to the SGC. There were a slew of reasons and they were all good. It was the Immediate that he was having trouble with and is what he had tried to renegotiate last night in a call to Cheyenne. Hank thought Monday would be too late. Much too late. Jack let out a slow breath which Sam heard and instantly recognized meant trouble.

"So, General...?"

"There's been a change of plans. They need you back at the Mountain, as soon as you can get there...with my bomb."

"Oh" she was crestfallen. "Is this a temporary assignment sir?"

"Doubt it"

They both knew that they were talking about her being back on the front line again, wiping away all her reasons of why breaking one particular regulation wouldn't affect their judgement.

She said nothing, letting the silence and the distance between them hang.

"Sam?"

"I'm here..."

"I've been given a firm retirement date."

"Oh"

"It's not officially out there yet, and won't be for awhile. But... I'll be off the clock at 0001 Thursday Feb 01 07. It's for sure...this time."

"I see" was all she could manage.

Again Jack took in a deep breath and let it out. He had no clue what to say next.

"What are you trying to say sir"? she choked out, trying to hide from him that she was crying.

"I won't...I can't... I have no right to ask you to wait another year. But...you know...if the time comes...and you're free...then..." He didn't even bother to try and hide the pain in his voice.

Sam thought for a moment. She couldn't believe this was happening. Not now, not when she had been so close to having the man she had wanted for years. He had finally given in and now this.

"I would like to make my position clear General".

"Go ahead..." he thought he knew what was coming. She was gonna yell, call him an ass, never speak to him...on a personal level at least...again. Jack propped his forehead up with his free hand, elbow on his desk, and hung onto the phone receiver pressed to his ear for dear life. This was probably the last sort of friendly conversation they would have. They were breaking up, again, and they had never even gotten started.

"I will wait. Sir. One year. I've waited several...what's one more? So that's what you have. Then at 0001 on February 01 07, I will so own you. I don't care if you're on Chulak, I don't care if they scraped your retirement, I don't care where you're at or what you're doing...your ass will be mine. Do I make myself clear...General"

He wasn't sure if it was excitement, fear, anticipation or what, but he really rather enjoyed the shiver that went down his spine.

"Crystal"

"Good", then softening "When do I have to be there?"

"Now"

"I'll be there by the end of the day"

"Sam?"

"Yes sir?"

"Be careful...I love you", and then the phone went dead.

"Ditto" she said softly to her empty bedroom.

Hours later, Sam stood in the general's door. She was dressed smartly in her Class A's, with a bright, albeit false, smile on her face. He was talking rather quietly to someone but she could tell by his demeanour that it was urgent. His back had been turned to her on her approach, and when he swung toward the door he stopped speaking and looked incredibly shocked.

"Ya, she's standing right here. You're a very funny man Jack." General Hank Landry returned the phone receiver to it's cradle.

"Lt. Colonel Samantha Carter, reporting sir", as she gave him her best salute.

Jack hung up the phone and sat back in his chair. Opening the right side desk drawer he pulled out a small object and rubbed his thumb over the soft black velvet. Such a tiny box that meant so much. He couldn't bring himself to open it and look at the shiny bobble he had hoped to place on her finger tonight...probably would've been about now, he thought, by the fire. Soon, he reassured himself. Soon.

Replacing the box in his desk, he let out his trademark sigh, stood up, gathered some papers from his desk and walked to the door. Another late night briefing. Hoped someone remembered to bring the beer this time.

**  
DISCLAIMER: "Stargate SG-1," "Stargate Atlantis," and its characters are the property of MGM/UA, Double Secret Productions, Gekko Film Corp., Showtime/Viacom and USA Networks, Inc. This story is for entertainment purposes only and no money has exchanged hands. No copyright infringement is intended. The original characters, situations and story are the property of the author(s), and may not be republished or archived elsewhere without the author's permission.**


	4. Unbeatable

Unbeatable  
by Lesleyp

**Rating:** Teens  
**Category:** Drama, MissingScene, Romance, Hurt/Comfort  
**Season:** SG-1 Season Nine  
**Related SG-1 Episode(s):** 910 The Fourth Horseman, Part 1, 911 The Fourth Horseman, Part 2  
**Featured Character(s):** Jack ONeill, Samantha Carter, Tealc, Hank Landry, Carolyn Lam  
**Pairing(s):** Sam/Jack  
**Summary:** Story takes place between the lines of The Fourth Horseman episodes. Major spoilers and I recommend reader watch the eps first. Hope shippers like the ending.

oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

Sam walked slowly back to her office from the infirmary. Orlin was not doing well, but she knew he was in the most capable hands with Dr. Lam. She only hoped that he could hang on long enough to help them finish the formula. It would be no good though if Cam and Daniel were unsuccessful.

Upon entering her office, Sam sat in her chair and rested her head on her arms on the desk. She knew she was tired. Dr. Lee was right. Sleep deprivation exacted a heavy toll on thought processes. What the hell was wrong with her! Hoping Orlin would make it long enough to help finish the formula! It wasn't that many years ago she had been in love with him.

Well not quite true, but she could've fallen. She had really, really liked him. And since Jack had been very out of the question, Sam had started to give in to the possibility of her and Orlin. And now she was feeling nothing more than...what?...very uncomfortable. That's what. He was just a boy. A boy that had revealed to her that he still had those same feelings for her. And Sam felt...repulsed. He had descended again to try and save them, to save her, and she was feeling repulsed. She felt ashamed, but couldn't help it.

Her personal cell phone began to ring. She opened the desk drawer and pulled it from her purse and flipped it open.

"Colonel Carter", she said warily into the cell phone.

"Hey...thought we got these personal phones so you could just answer with a Hello lover boy" he joked. "And don't start calling me lover boy by the way".

"Hey, sir, I mean Jack, I mean..."

"Wow...you must be tired. Just leave names and titles out for now, K? ...so how ya doin?"

"Tired. How are things up there?"

"Great...couldn't be better...well except for that sweet little plague going around...other than that..."

"Workin on it sir."

"Uh huh", commented Jack, wincing at the sir. "Are you feeling ok ...any ... you know...symptoms?"

"No sir, I'm fine. Just tired."

There's that sir again, he thought. Something didn't feel right. They had both obtained personal cell phones weeks ago so it would be easier for them to... chat. They both knew it was still traceable, but were willing to take the chance. About the same time they had set up anonymous email accounts on their home computers with Again, traceable, but unless someone had a reason to go looking, it was less of a risk than using A.F. equip.

"So..." He tried again, "I hear Orlins back."

"What?" asked Sam. She knew that Landry would've completely briefed Jack, so she wondered where he was going with this.

"Just sayin...hear Orlins back...how's that going for you?" Jack asked quietly.

He knew that the whole Orlin thing had been tough on Sam. He had been worried that the combination of exhaustion over trying to create a weapon to combat the Priors, then the plague, now Orlin appearing as a boy, would be stretching Sam to the limit. He was worried about her.

"Are you Jealous?" she asked incredulously.

"NO!...I'm just concerned...about you!" He defended.

"You're jealous. Great! Like I don't have enough to deal with right now. It was your idea to wait until you retire you know", she accused hotly.

"What the hell is that supposed to mean!" Jack was totally taken off guard by the hostility in her tone.

"You wanted to wait, now there's a plague spreading that I'm not sure we can stop. And if this keeps up you'll be quarantined in Washington. I could be dead by the time this is over or you could be, or both of us. So much for your retirement or us ever being together. And now you're jealous because Orlin came back to help me." Anger evident in her tone. Then, "He at least cares enough about me to risk... never mind" she left it unfinished.

"O...k..." Jack let out a heavy sigh, not knowing where to go with this. "I can't deal with this right now. I'm glad you're not... infected. Bye Sam, good luck."

"Jack, I'm sorry", Sam tried to reconcile, but realized too late she was speaking into dead air, he had hung up.

Well that went well, he thought sarcastically to himself as he turned off his personal cell and stuffed it into his inside jacket pocket. What the hell was that all about?

Before he had time to think any more about the uncharacteristic phone call with Sam, his desk phone rang. It was his assistant. He was needed at the Oval office...now.

Sam returned to the infirmary after hearing General Landry's announcement. The United States of America was now officially under quarantine by Presidential order. She wondered if Jack had anything to do with that. Guess I put the thought in his head, she angrily thought to herself. The brass would be held up in Washington to try and prevent them from becoming infected. Which meant Jack would not be coming. Where did that come from? she wondered.

As she sat and watched Orlin sleeping she couldn't help but go over again her last conversation with Jack. What had she hoped to gain by goading him? Why had she been so angry with him? Slowly she allowed the truth to dawn on her. She wanted him there, with her. She wanted it to be him helping her out with this, not Orlin.

Jack's intelligence was often underestimated, for many years even by her. But he had a way of breaking down the most complex issues. Cutting to the chase, he called it. Sam could always think things through better when Jack was around. Even the hardest problems were solved by just a couple of words from him. He simplified things, broke it down in such a way, that even the most difficult problems seemed to have simple solutions.

She knew this was part of the reason she had fallen in love with him. She also knew that Jack would not have been able to help with this. Without Orlin's help, they didn't stand a chance. Still watching Orlin sleep she began to feel ungrateful. He had given up so much, and she could never reciprocate, especially not now. Not in the form he was in. Not now that she was so in love with Jack.

And then she began to feel guilty for how she had treated Jack on the phone. Is that what Jack was afraid of? Her track record with men was not all that good after all, she chided herself. Did he ever doubt her feelings for him and wonder if she would reciprocate if he risked everything... to be with her? Sam shook her head trying to clear these thoughts. Jack was afraid of nothing, she told herself. She was just tired and had a job to do. Let's get to it then, she silently ordered herself.

Back in her lab Sam tried to call Jack. No answer at home and his personal cell was turned off so she logged onto the internet and sent an email to his personal address from hers.

To: Flyboy From: Supercatwoman Subject: I'm sorry

Please forgive me. Just under a lot of pressure and really...REALLY...missing you.

SEND

Still not able to concentrate she picked up her cell and dialled his A.F. cell phone. When it flipped on she heard:

"If you would just get your head out of your ass for a second Senator..." That was Jack.

"Now you listen to me General O'Neill, I don't care who you think you are..." she heard the response, and then...

"O'Neill" he barked into the cell, effectively disregarding the Senator.

"Sorry, bad time?", she asked into the phone, glad he couldn't see the pinched look on her face.

"It is" he answered quietly and promptly hung up.

Sam felt even worse. It was pretty apparent that he was taking the heat for all of this as he was, after all, the head of Homeworld Security. He was fighting the politicians to get the SGC and other military departments all of the resources they needed to combat this plague, while at the same time taking on the brunt of the blame. Trying to defend and protect his personnel in the midst of people who in crisis sometimes acted as wolves on a hunt. And he was their prey right now.

Through all of this he had taken time out by way of a phone call to see how she was holding up. She had never even asked how he was doing, had only asked about Washington in general.

She needed to make this right. Especially, for Jack. Once again inspired, Sam headed off to see Orlin. No time for any other thoughts. She needed Orlin to teach her, and teach her fast, in case ... well, in case he lost the struggle and the information they needed to complete the vaccine was lost forever.

They were getting no where. Orlin was losing not only his mental capacity, but his physical coordination as well. He could help no further.

They were no where close in finding a cure and the reports coming in from the outside were not good. The plague was spreading, and fast. I wish Jack was here, Sam thought in a moment of weakness. Since her last call to him she had not heard a word. Not even an email. Self doubt permeated her. She could not shake the feeling that if Jack were here, it would all be ok. He'd help her find a way.

She wondered if she had caused irreparable harm. He hated emotional outbursts. She knew they made him uncomfortable. So what if he had been jealous? Doesn't that mean he feels enough for her that Orlin's appearance made him feel just a little threatened? Instead of jumping on him, she should have reassured him.

Well, he wasn't here, and there was nothing she could do to fix things right now. And unless they found the cure to this plague she might never get the chance. Shaking her head, she returned to her work with Dr. Lam.

"How are you feeling?" Jack asked Hank over the phone.

"Like crap!" was the response.

"That's what you get for going off world...don't remember authorizing that"Jack teased.

"Let's see...how would you put this?...Bite me!" Hank crankily retorted, causing Jack to chuckle.

"Make it brief...then get some rest...I need you," Jack let up.

"It's bad Jack, worse then we thought."

"Uh huh...go on," Jack prompted.

"We're no where closer to finding a vaccine. The Ori are coming to our galaxy not just to steal our souls for heating fuel apparently, they're coming to destroy the Ancients. You know...the ones protecting us so far."

"Oh ya...some protection. Remind me to thank them. We'll throw a parade or something." Jack retorted sarcastically. "Listen...you get some rest. You got Carolyn and Sam heading this cure thing. I don't know about Carolyn, but Sam has a way of pulling miracles from her bu...head. It'll be fine. It always is."

"I hope you're right old buddy, I hope you're right," Landry sighed then hung up the phone. He felt terrible.

"Gerak's sacrifice won't go in vain, Teal'c" Sam reassured him. "We've been able to isolate an antibody and it's already being dispersed. I agree with Dr. Lam. I doubt they'll be able to use this plague against us again."

"And what of Orlin, Samantha Carter?" enquired Teal'c.

Sam looked down for a second before answering, mourning for him everything Orlin had lost.

"It took it's toll on him. He's been transferred to a mental hospital. The air force will make sure he gets the best of care" she said, and then allowed a single tear to make its way down her cheek.

Teal'c could only nod in sympathy.

A few days later Sam paid Orlin a visit. Seeing him at the hospital had been difficult for her, although she had tried her best to hide it. Now driving home she couldn't help but be overwhelmed with the sadness and had to pull over.

Crying, she remembered her time with him, as an adult descended. He had been so sweet and loving. He had saved her back then, and he had saved her now, and yet she still didn't love him. Why? Because she loved Jack.

"Well I have a great way of showing that, don't I?" she berated herself through her tears.

Jack had faced the wolves alone and even while they had circled, he had reached out to comfort her. And what had she done? How could she have been so selfish? Sure she had been tired, under a lot of pressure and strain. But so had he.

She had been keeping him all to herself. This brave and strong and beautiful man. Not ever exactly saying it, but making sure he knew she expected him to be faithful. Holding him to his promise that he would be her's in a year.

He was good for her, she knew that. He made things clear for her. Kept her from being lost in scientific idealism. Made her heart race. Made every part of her tingle just at the sound of his voice. But was she good for him?

She pulled out her cell phone and tried to call him again. First at home, then his personal cell. No answer at the first and she didn't leave a message, and the second still obviously turned off.

Wiping her tears away, she turned the car back onto the road and started home again.

It was time to let her General go. They were holding onto what was probably never going to happen. He deserved someone who could love him openly and honestly. Not someone who looked for hidden meaning in everything he said and did. Someone like Kerry Johnson. She was beautiful, strong, and very self assured. She could easily match Jack's inner strength. Sam hated that she herself was so insecure when it came to Jack. Sam so hated Kerry Johnson. Well, not really.

"What? Jealous?" she asked herself derisively.

Maybe in Washington he'd find someone to give him the support he deserved. It was time she stopped looking at her own needs, but realize that he was not just her hero, he was human too. Maybe he was already gone. She couldn't blame him, not after she had been so...well...bitchy...with him.

Finally home, Sam swung the car into her driveway and got out. She was starting to get hungry.

Jack sunk into the chair and let out a breath. The last few weeks had been hell. Pure hell. And it wasn't over. How was he going to be able to keep this up? All outward appearances had him holding up rather well. He knew everyone thought he was emotionally strong, especially as he didn't publicly crumble during this latest crisis. Couldn't say that about the Politicians he snickered to himself...what a group!

He knew Sam had come pretty close to cracking. Finally a problem she couldn't solve all by herself. It probably hadn't helped that he had distracted her with his personal call. And she had called him on it right away. Jealous? Him? Hell ya!

Her ex saviour shows up while I'm in Washington and can't get away. You bet I was jealous he admitted to himself. Boy she'd been pissed too. Like she thought he didn't trust her...which he did. Especially since Orlin came back as a kid. Still.

They couldn't go on this way. He knew she had agreed to wait only because she thought it's what he wanted...which it wasn't...sort of. You really are an ass, he thought. The stress was starting to get to both of them. Being so far apart and only keeping this sort of' relationship going by phone and email. Whose stupid idea was that, he asked to no one in particular. Oh ya...mine. Doh!

When they had been together...working together that is...they complimented each other, or so he thought. Now so far apart, they were stressing the hell out of each other. Jack had needed her. The wolves were held at bay right now, but the next time... the next time he wasn't sure how he'd fare. He needed a stress release. It kept building and building. He was going to crack soon if he didn't find some release.

He loved Samantha Carter. Heart and soul, he loved her. But she scared the hell out of him at the same time. She was perfect. To him, she was perfect. How the hell do you make love to someone that perfect? What if he wasn't good enough? What if she got bored with him after awhile? She could do what no politician or Goa'uld before could... she could destroy him. And yet, he still wanted her...all...to...himself.

He compared himself to Orlin and came up wanting. Orlin. Guy had given up everything for Earth, the Milky Way, and for Sam. And yet, he couldn't have Sam, not anymore, especially not in the form he had chosen to take. But he still came to help. Gave up everything. And me, well I just hide behind phone calls and emails...what a man!...what a grade A coward! he slammed himself in his thoughts.

He had to ... what? I don't know, he answered himself, I just know I can't keep doing this anymore.

Sam put her key in the door and entered her house. Her eyes and face still felt puffy from her earlier crying bout, but she was starting to feel a little better. It was almost 1800 hours. Maybe she would fix herself something to eat then try Jack again. If she still couldn't get a hold of him she would finally leave a message on his home phone, and hope no one else overheard it.

As she headed down the hall she glanced into the living room and came to a dead stop. He was here. Oh god, he was here, and tears filled her eyes as she tried to drink in the sight of him. He was wearing the same black t-shirt and beige pants that he had worn the night he'd snuck into her house at Area 51. He looked so...good.

"Jack...", she finally choked out his name in a barely audible whisper.

"Shhhhhhhhhhh...Don't say a word", he said gently as he slowly walked to where she still stood in the hall.

She could only watch him come to her in what seemed like slow motion, and then she felt his arms begin to encircle her.

"C'mere", he whispered, pulling her into his body. She looked up into his dark eyes then felt his lips on hers. Gentle at first, then growing more insistent. She melted into him and could feel from his body that he was more than ready for this. Her own body began to ignite in response.

Not being a man of many words... ever... he picked her up and strode with her into her bedroom. She couldn't remember how her clothes disappeared, or how he had lost his so quickly. He was so gentle with her, taking his time, but she sensed his barely contained passion. What they felt for each other was far beyond the physical and could not ...would not... be denied any longer.

In one passionate move, Jack broke through all the years of denial, of unspoken yearning and need. They were carried together, washed away on wave after wave. She clung to him and when she could hold on no more she cried out his name. And in time with her's, his body reacted. Finally, he found the release he had been searching for.

At the exact moment of their union, galaxies away, two suns collided. And for the first time in many millennia, without understanding why, a brief flicker of fear passed through the Ori collective. Separate they were each a formidable warrior in their own right... now joined... they would be unbeatable. What is meant to be ...would kick the living crap out of what isn't.

**  
DISCLAIMER: "Stargate SG-1," "Stargate Atlantis," and its characters are the property of MGM/UA, Double Secret Productions, Gekko Film Corp., Showtime/Viacom and USA Networks, Inc. This story is for entertainment purposes only and no money has exchanged hands. No copyright infringement is intended. The original characters, situations and story are the property of the author(s), and may not be republished or archived elsewhere without the author's permission.**


End file.
